I am scheduled to surrender to Federal Prison in three days. Am I am scared? I would be lying if I said no.
Like any person who considers himself a law-abiding citizen, of course, I am scared.
What is more painful is knowing I will be leaving my wife and two kids, not knowing just how long I will be away.
They know I will do everything within my power to build a persuasive case of redemption. The work I complete in helping others may advance my candidacy for some type of early-release program.
Through this blog, I will record the efforts that I make to live in the service of others.
Like many Christians, I have always asked God to use me for His glory. Such service has never required me to live apart from my friends and family.
Despite a belief that a civil remedy would have been more appropriate in my case, I accept God’s plan and I will do my best.
Like in the Biblical story of Jonah, I would prefer to avoid this challenge I’m facing. In an effort to postpone my surrender date, I asked the attorney that represented me to file a motion in court. The judge denied our request.
I remember sharing this denial of extension with the love of my life and wife for almost 17 years, Georgia. We sat in her truck and cried together.
For those of you going through an investigation, about to be sentenced, or about to report to prison. I know the pain. The feelings flat-out suck.
Even before knowing what will happen, I felt imprisoned internally. Sleepless nights, depression, etc…
I would be told by my friends to just keep praying and trust things will work out. As my wife would say, a bunch of Christian platitude stuff. Well quite frankly, as good as they sound, it does not help when you are in the trenches and just want God to part the seas and get you out of this. I recall praying with Georgia and asking for this and screaming:
- DO IT NOW,
- DO IT NOW,
- DO IT NOW.
Yet now, with less than 72 hours before I am scheduled to surrender, I am strengthening my resolve, accepting that, whether I want to or not, a journey through prison awaits. I intend to meet the challenge with my dignity intact, and with a commitment to contribute to the lives of others.
Through this blog, I will record the progress.
This debacle began to unravel in my life more than 10 years ago. Since then, I’ve prayed two constant prayers:
- Father, please show me what else I need to learn from all this so I can be more like your son Yeshua (Jesus)
- Father, please direct me to the person or persons you need me to show Your love to. Show me MY NINEVEH.
Hopefully, I will meet someone to show what I must learn. Opportunities may open to contribute or to show God’s love to others.
Regardless of what challenges await, I know that I am not alone. I have God beside me, and the love of my family.
I turn to lessons like the Book of Job for strength. While working through the sentence, I may find or create opportunities to serve others. Through memorializing the experience with these writings I am publishing, I may help others going through a crisis of their own.
Through these efforts, I hope to find my Nineveh.
Lord, please help Finding My Nineveh.