Keeping It Real While In Prison

It is that time of week and I was fortunate enough to write down a few more items for Keeping It Real While in Prison.  Hope you enjoy.

You know you are keeping it real while in prison when:

1.  You ask the guard in charge of chow if the milk is bad and her response is I do not drink it because I know it is all bad.

2.  The guards conduct breathalyzer tests on inmates going to work in the morning so they can avoid doing paperwork since the inmates going to work early typically are the responsible ones.

3.  The inmates working in the accounting department of Unicor (Prison Factory) are smarter than the bosses themselves.

4.  You get patted down when leaving work.  This really happened to us when leaving Unicor.  They pulled all of us to the side and patted us down.

5.  The pillows are so bad here that a side hustle of a few inmates are to make better ones themselves.

6.  Your bunkmate talks so much in his sleep that you know exactly what he is doing.  My bunky, Dave, talks a lot in his sleep.

7.  The guards yell at you to put your mask over your nose, but the guard does not do it himself.

8.  The Warden and Captain order a shake down of your unit which creates an opportunity for inmates to easily steal stuff.  This one requires some explanation.  A shake down is when all inmates of the unit must go outside the unit and several guards go room to room and examine all the inmates stuff in and out of their locker.  They throw anything away that should not belong.  They pull out everything in your locker and put it on your bed and make you put everything back once they let you back inside.  This allows time for inmates to go to others rooms to steal before they can put their stuff back.  I did not have anything in my locker that should not be there so all my stuff was fine, and nobody dares steal from the room I am in because of one of my bunkies, Jim.  He is a living legend who is over 80 and knows EVERYONE so if there was a problem, he is a shot caller and people will stick up for him.  He is super nice to me and I am glad to be assigned to his room so I am left alone. 

9.  The highlight of your week is being shackled up to be taken on a medical trip to the hospital for tests so you can briefly leave the prison area for a short bit.  My friend Shane told me this one.

10.  The prison does a total inmate recall to their units to count them since an inmate went missing.  Ironically the inmate was actually at his medical trip to the hospital.  He was taken by 2 guards. 

Hope you enjoyed these.  I will try to come up with a few more next week.

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