I recently finished reading a book called “Pure Desire” by Ted Roberts. It is about hope and healing to break free from sexual addiction. I decided to read this book based on Derek’s recommendation so I can better understand people like Derek who suffer from this disease.
The more I learn about this disease that actually affects over 50% of men in churches, the more I feel my next area of focus after I get out of prison is work with my church on helping people with sexual addiction.
Sexual addiction comes in a variety of forms. Reading this book discussed these things, why it most likely started, and how to start healing oneself.
One cannot just stop their behavior. It is unmanageable, destructive, and increases in intensity over time. The person becomes desensitized to the way of life. Most people suffering from sexual addiction have a sense of being alone. This process of breaking the addiction mindset is not a quick-fix process. The author, who is a pastor, feels that churches should implement an effective, biblically compassionate ministry to help men with this battle. The author struggled with this disease before becoming a pastor. One should not just tell a person struggling with this to just read their Bible. It will actually make things worse. Unfortunately that is exactly what Derek’s church told him. He sought help and the church did not give it to him and now he finds himself in prison.
An important aspect the author made that was quite shocking is 81% of men and women suffering from this disease were sexually abused as children, 72% physically abused, and 97% emotionally abused. No wonder this disease is so hard to overcome. These people do not feel loved. The author says those who want to heal have to be self-disciplined enough to give up their coping methods, aka the sexual high, when they are feeling alone or worthless, and trust in who Christ says they are.
This self-discipline is like trying to make harbor in rough seas at night. We see the lights and react to the difficulties that may arise so one can keep course. The author reminds the reader that God sets up these trials so we can discover that we can make it. We must maintain integrity during this process since only the Almighty will know if you are avoiding the unhealthy coping methods.
As one goes on this journey one might come to a point where he feels all is good. At this point, one should ask themselves “what I can I give?” This will allow the person to continue striving to help others overcome what they have overcome.
I am glad I read this book so I can continue to learn more ways to help / understand people suffering from this disease. Hopefully, once out of prison, I can work with the church I attend to help facilitate classes for people suffering from this disease since over 50% of men going to church suffer from this.